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Posted 6/13/17 (Tue)


I mean Good Morning. Or whatever. Oh, well, whatever will be, will be. Or something like that. Sorry I missed some of the papers last week. Not sorry for you, but for me. Cause if I don’t write, they don’t pay me. And if they don’t pay me, I can’t buy pretty things for my wife and necessities for myself. Like….you know what I like.
Some things really disgust me. Eating moldy bread. Two-headed dogs. Cows that won’t take their calf. People who pick boogers out of their nose and eat them. Don’t you just hate that? I know, I know. It’s horrible to even think about.
But I heard one of the most disgusting things ever. I’ve been hauling cattle around and going to football games in Vermillion, and going to the feedlot in Nebraska, and generally just not accomplishing an awful lot. But I get to listen to the radio a lot. And it doesn’t take too long to get tired of certain types of music. All the songs sound alike. So I always look for dumb talk shows.
While I was punching through the stations, I found this one station reporting on the top entertainers of the century. The millennium or whatever. And I was excited to hear this. Kind of like ESPN’s Top Athletes of the Century. Fun watching.
Some magazine had prepared a list of the top entertainers. I was excited. Wondering how high Gene and Jessie were (that’s our neighbors), and if the Blue Butte Ramblers had cracked the top hundred. Then there’s cowboy poet Rodney Nelson and writer/entertainer Ryan Taylor. Surely they were in the top 100!
I slid up to the edge of my seat. Which in my case does not take a lot of sliding before I hit the steering wheel. Anyway, I leaned ahead. Number one was….drum roll….THE BEATLES! Now I could believe that. Cause I was cool in the 60s. I was cool with a crew cut. But I liked the Beatles. Still do. Number two was Elvis. Pretty good pick. I mean I put Brylcream in my hair and shut my eyes halfway. And wiggle my hips. Oh, you may not believe this now, but I was super cool. Jailhouse Rock and all that stuff. Great time. Man, was I cool.
So, I’m driving along listening as they name the top 10. And then they hit me. Madonna. Madonna was number five. Not the Madonna from like Rome or the Holy Land or anything. Madonna from like Playboy and Rodman. She was number five. Ahead of Frank Sinatra! Can you believe it? What kind of fool am I! (that would be a good song). I mean Madonna ahead of Blue Eyes. And Nat King Cole not in the Top 10. But the Simpsons are. The show, not Chuck. Madonna and the Simpsons are in the top 10.
Well, I went into such a rage. Road rage kind of deal. I started beating on the dash and blaming my radio. Oh, it was horrible. I ran other people off the road. I admit maybe I overreacted, but the judge agreed. When I appeared in court in Redfield, the judge let me off with a little community service. Seems he was upset cause Madonna was ahead of Marilyn Monroe! Go figure. I’m out of here.