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Posted 2/23/16 (Tue)


I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my health. I know I’m sick of hearing about it. But I guess it comes with age. I’ll tell you one thing, after my last checkup, Shirley got pretty excited and we had to go to a lawyer and rewrite our “will.”
Now a “will” is the last thing I’m concerned with. I just kind of figure with my lifestyle, there won’t be anything left for anyone to be concerned with. And besides that, my Dad is over 90, still occasionally is horseback, drives all over the country, and has a memory much better than mine. I just kind of figured I didn’t need to plan ahead for another 30 years or so.
My doctor said I am in good shape. Other than my eyes are kind of bad, my hearing aids needs updated, my cholesterol is high, my blood pressure is high, and I have diabetes. But I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in!
So off to the lawyer we went. Right away a lovely young attorney began asking questions about our living will. Shirley knew right away what she wanted. No feeding tube. Water if she was thirsty. She didn’t want to be bedridden and a burden on the family. She is such a kind person.
The lawyer turned to me. I said I wanted my feeding tube and Shirley’s too if that could be arranged. I said as far as liquids, just give me jack and water from about 3 until 7 p.m. And make sure I have cable TV with HBO. My life would not be making a very dramatic change.
The young lady who was taking notes was writing furiously and Shirley quickly informed her “He is only joking!”
I said I would also like a Bloody Mary in the morning if they could get that through those tubes. But leave the pickle and the olives out. Skip the celery too. That would probably clog up the machine.
I advised the young lady that I would like to be an organ donor and she burst into laughter!
I don’t think law school prepared the young lady for such travails and she excused herself and went to get her superior.
As soon as she left, my first wife began chastising me for making light of a serious situation! I think she was just jealous of me.
I thought I had better research some wills so I’m just going to mention a couple that I read.
One gentleman wrote, “To my first wife Sue, who I always promised I would mention in my will, Hello Sue.”
Many have left millions of dollars to their pets and arranged for pet marriages, homes, and caretakers for their dogs or cats.
One of my favorites was the lady that left her million-dollar mansion to her cat! A mansion to a cat. And the day of the funeral, the cat was sunning itself in the driveway and the hearse ran over it!
My dogs, Vern Baker and Tyke are going to have to figure out how to get by on much less.