Posted 12/22/15 (Tue)
I’ve a friend who is always looking for an adventure. He may be a little long in the tooth for adventures, but he does enjoy them. You’ve met him.
He and I partnered on the bull a while ago. The two-dollar bull. And I have to apologize to the seller of the bull. He did live up to his word and we did get the bull for two dollars! We sold him a couple weeks ago and I think we got most of our money back.
To protect the innocent, I will call this friend Shannon. That will be his make-believe name. He has a make-believe wife we will call Marcy.
A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Shannon and Marcy owned a tavern. It was like one of those old English taverns. It was in a quaint little village that looked like a Christmas card. The tavern was frequented by both rich and poor and was a wonderful place to dispense or partake in intelligent conversation.
One of the customers told make-believe Shannon that he had butchered a wild steer. Really wild. To calm him down he had taken him off water for a day, and then filled a tub with whiskey and water! The thirsty steer, much like many of the clientele of the pub, drank it down and became a little tipsy. The butcher claimed he would never again harvest an animal without giving it this last drink of whiskey.
Make-believe Shannon had some rotgut rum that he had purchased for his tavern. It was horrible! No one would buy it. But a light went on in Shannon’s head and he decided to butcher a wild cow. He put her in the barn and filled a tub with rum and water. And he waited patiently outside the barn for the cow to drink this elixir. For about 10 minutes. The cow was mad, not thirsty. And Shannon loved an adventure.
So he put the cow in the chute and gave her the water boarding treatment. He put a funnel in her mouth and poured a couple bottles of this rum down the cow. Chug-a-lug Chug-a-lug. Makes you want to holler hidey hoe! Burns….Never mind.
He now realizes that since his make-believe wife always got mad when she drank rum, he should have used a different liquor. But it was too late. He had done his dirty deed.
Make believe Shannon now claims that the meat all tasted like the rotgut rum and he had to throw it all away! So the wild cow had the last laugh.
Which reminds me of a true story of these ranchers that went out for lunch after selling their calves. They were steak-eaters. One of them ordered halibut steak. When it came he called the manager over and complained that his “Steak tasted like fish!”