Posted 9/15/15 (Tue)
Over the years you hear lots of stories. Stories of jokes that guys have played on one another. I’ve written about them in the past. About Johnny putting the dead calf in Clarence’s pasture. And Clarence buying a pail calf and then unable to find the mother of the dead calf. I’ve written of the night they hauled Terry’s bulls home, and then returned his pickup to where it was parked behind the Buckskin, and left the endgate open.
But I don’t think I ever told you the pig story. Oh, I know I’ve told the tale of my experience, or rather Shirley’s experience with the Wild Russian Boars. And I know I’ve told of the mountain lion and the pigs. And of the pigs grazing the neighbors wheat. But I never told you the tale of the shrinking pig. Here it is.
There was a guy, we’ll just call him Lynn, working construction in the Watford area. Now Lynn was known to be a man that worked hard, played hard, and maybe would stop uptown for a cool one after work. And sometimes the cool ones lasted until the wee hours.
But Lynn was a hard worker, and every morning, bright and early, he would be on the job. Every morning he would see this gentleman, south of town, go out to feed his butcher hog. And this hog was nearly finished. This old boy would come with a bucket of feed, dump it over the fence, and stand there and admire this fine 200-pound hog.
Well, one night, after a rather long session uptown, Lynn decided to play a practical joke on this man. So, under the cover of darkness, he and a couple friends slipped down and stole the hog. Now, you have to picture this. I don’t how many of you have ever wrestled a 200-pound hog into the trunk of a car, but they got it done. I’m sure the pig squealed on them, but that is another story.
Then they proceeded to take the hog over to the sales yard, still under the cover of darkness, where they made the switch. They traded that 200-pound pig for a 35-pound weaner pig. He claims this one squealed on them too. But they loaded it in the trunk, hauled this little weaner pig out to the man’s feeder pen and replaced the big hog they had stole (borrowed).
The next morning, like clockwork, here came pig farmer with his bucket of feed. Just like normal, he dumped the feed over the fence and stood there admiring his 200-pound pork chop. Who was now a 35-pound weaner pig. But the guy stood there for a few minutes, scratched his head, shrugged his shoulders, and left. Every day, under the watchful eye of the construction crew, the farmer fed his pig.
A week went by, another night of frivolity and nonsense, and it was time to do another prisoner exchange. Once again, under the cover of darkness, and with a little help of bottled courage, the switch was made. The 200-pound hog was loaded in the trunk of the car and exchanged for the weaner pig.
The farmer came in the morning, once again under the watchful eye of the nearby scraper operator, to feed his hog. When he saw how much weight his hog had gained overnight he was ecstatic. He fed the hog, left, and quickly returned with a trailer.
For the sake of a happy ending, we are just assuming that he took the 200-pound butcher hog to a petting zoo to live happily ever after!