Posted 4/05/16 (Tue)
By Neal A. Shipman
Being in the newspaper business where we have thousands of eyes proof-reading our stories and articles after they are published, it is easy to sometimes get a little paranoid. While we have our own proof-readers, sometimes we goof up and write a headline that seems a little whacky after it appears in print. And sometimes a sentence that sounded just right as it was being written suddenly isn’t quite right once it finally appears in the newspaper.
Yes, we make mistakes. But we are not alone in that department. I just love to come across examples of other people’s honest mistakes that may have made sense at the time that they were being composed, but are actually hilarious once they are printed.
Recently, I received an e-mail of some of the announcements that have appeared in church bulletins that I couldn’t resist sharing with you. Obviously, the editors of these church bulletins were working on a tight time schedule as they rushed to finish typing up the upcoming announcements for their bulletins.
Read on and enjoy . . . . .
• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
• Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I Will Not Pass This Way Again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church.. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - Prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn-singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
• The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’