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HAT TIPS

Posted 12/29/10 (Wed)

Hello,

I hope you had a Merry Christmas! Ours was wonderful, with family and friends. The weather wasn’t real bad. Foggy, snowy, and breezy. But compared to the east coast, it was pretty darn good.
Many people are making resolutions for the coming year. I decided to quit chewing and smoking. In fact, I quit years ago, so I just keep on making the same resolution. Why change the game plan when it’s working? So, with my resolution intact and quite achievable, I’ll just drift around a little with this article.
Now, I’m not sure if you told me this or if I heard it on the radio. But someone was talking about the weird things people say and do. Seems this guy was campaigning and taking questions and complaints from the local citizenry. This lady stood up and complained about the deer crossing signs along the river outside of town. She thought they should move the “deer crossing” to an area where there wasn’t so much traffic!
And another thing. I attended a little get-together the other night. And one of the people we expected to see there, was noticeably absent. When her son-in-law was asked where Mom was, he was quick to explain. Seems she had been cleaning up to come to the party, if I’m lying I’m dying, she had inadvertently brushed her teeth with Preparation H. Now, I’m not one to accuse a son-in-law of planting that tube there, but there did seem to be a little gleam in his eye, right behind the tears. Man, I bet that would make it hard to spit your snoose out, wouldn’t it?
That reminds me of a story. I’m not much of a snoose chewer. Oh, I used to spit a little. Actually, I spit a lot. And chewed very little. I never could really get into it. But when you were a young cowboy, it was just the thing to do. If you were sitting on a  peaceful hill, overlooking a bunch of  cows, you could relax by taking a chew. Or if you were going to step on a colt that was rolling his nose and showing the whites of his eyes, and your mouth was full of cotton, you could get a little moisture by tucking a little snuff under your lip. Oh, maybe if he blew up and bucked, you’d swallow your snoose, but what the heck, you were relaxed!
Cowboys are always bumming stuff from each other. Pickups, horses, cigarettes, and snoose. Just to name a few. Some guys get pretty adept at it. And guys know which ones they are. Back when I used to smoke, before I saw the light. That is before my granddaughter gave me “the patch.” Anyway, I knew this guy that would bum a cigarette or two every time I saw him. And then he would stand there, smoking your cigarettes, and brag about how long ago he quit! Really! He would say, “I quit smoking three years ago. The last pack I bought is still laying on the dresser. Quit cold turkey, too!”
But the best I ever saw at getting people to quit bumming was a roper. Ropers are really good about bumming smokes, chew, and beer. This one feller got so tired of people bumming a chew from him, that he devised a sure method of getting them stopped. When he was done with a chew, he would spit the plug back in the can, instead of on the ground. Now, if you’re just getting ready to ask for a chew, and you see a guy spit his back in the can, you can get by a little longer without one!
And then there was Uncle Hugh. Hugh had a habit of taking a chew with his morning coffee. And he would sit there and visit, sipping his coffee, and occasionally spit his snoose back in the cup! If you objected, he would quickly point out that there wasn’t a big difference between mixing his coffee and snoose in his cup, or in his mouth. It used to bother Dorothy a bunch. Especially cause Uncle Hugh would never let his food mix on the plate. He would build little dams with his silverware to keep things straight!

Later,
Dean