Posted 5/19/10 (Wed)
It hurts. It really hurts.
I suppose it’s age. And maybe lack of exercise. And maybe a few too many calories. Probably a beer or two too many. But over the years, I’ve, in cattle terms, gotten a little wasty around the middle. A double chin has developed and tying my shoes is a real challenge. We won’t even go into trimming toenails. Getting into small vehicles can be a daunting task and the hundred-yard dash would be considered a marathon.
But I’m happy.
But, I suppose other people have noticed. And they forget that fat people have feelings, too.
It all started with a bad cinch. You know. A cinch on a saddle.
My gray horse began acting sore on his left side. Sometimes when you went to get on, he’d spook away as you reached for the stirrup. Or he’d arc away from you when you attempted to loosen the cinch. And trust me, when you weigh three hundred pounds and ride a horse that stands over sixteen hands, you’ve got to snug it up pretty good to get on. Especially if you’re wrapped up on a cold morning.
I checked that cinch and found that the loop of the tongue was protruding beyond the mohair and would hurt to beat heck when pressed against your rib cage. Just ask Shirley. Well, I had to check it on something!
So Shirley went into the ranch supply store to buy a new cinch. No big deal. Just walk in, pick up a cinch, walk over to the counter, pay for it and leave.
Not so. The helpful lady at the counter, who used to be my friend, had to help. She actually asked if Shirley needed assistance. We live out west, you know. Where people still try to help. And they fill your coffee cup at the café. Or stop when you are crossing the street in a cross walk. But that’s another story.
Anyway, Cindi asked Shirley what the problem was. Shirley said Zippidy (Doo Dah), that would be my horse, acted sore on his left side. She explained that Dean snugged him up pretty good when stepping on, and Zip acted like his side hurt.
Cindi asked, right there in front of God and everybody if, “he was extremely fat!”
Shirley said he was about a hundred pounds overweight but had switched to Diet Coke in his mixed drinks so that should come down. And in spite of his being overweight, people loved him anyway.
Turned out, after a lot of embarrassed laughter, that Cindi had been asking about the horse.
But it has gotten me to thinking; maybe I should switch with Zip. He could drink the Jack and Diet, and I could chew on the dry hay. Just a thought. Nah.