Posted 3/03/10 (Wed)
By Neal A. Shipman
Ever had one of those weeks when no matter how fast you try to work or how many hours you work, you never get caught up? Well, that is exactly where I found myself this week as I have been chasing myself from one place to the next trying to cover the District 15 Boys Basketball Tournament along with everything else that goes into keeping this newspaper running.
I knew that this was going to be “one of those weeks,” but somehow I thought I’d find free time over the weekend to sit down and write this week’s column. But somehow that free time never seemed to appear and now at 11:43 p.m. on Monday night after writing my final basketball stories and going through a hundred or so photos that I’ve taken of the games following the conclusion of the District Basketball Tournament, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I’m finally out of time to research and write the column that I had intended to do.
So, please accept my apologies as I am going to reach into my files and reprint a column on the perfect job that was sent to me by a friend.
I Finally Found The Perfect Job
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack. But I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn’t suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn’t have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... I couldn’t cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician. But eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn’t have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but I just didn’t fit in.
10. I then became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.
11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian -until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks. But I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
15. So as a last resort, I tried Retirement. And I’ve found that I’m perfect for the job!