Posted 6/27/12 (Wed)
By Neal A. Shipman
I hate to admit it, but after a long weekend like we just had in Watford City with Homfest, my brain is pretty much fried. Simply put, after three days of chasing from one event to the next to get photos, stopping to visit with friends that I haven’t seen in years and staying up way too late at the street dances, I’ve come to the conclusion that at 60 years of age, I just don’t have the stamina that I once had.
So please excuse me this week as I dig into my file of interesting emails and share with you some random thoughts that John O’Connor sent to me a while back.
• At age 20 we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at age 50 we find out it wasn’t thinking of us at all.
• A lot of people who complain how stupid their boss is would be out of a job if he were any smarter.
• Even though they don’t have a leg to stand on, rumors have a way of getting around.
• A good scare is worth more than good advice.
• A college professor was conducting a discussion with his sociology class on the connection between self-concept and intelligence. “If there are any stupid people in this room, please stand up.” A long pause. Then a lone Freshman stood up in the rear of the classroom. “What!? Do you consider yourself stupid?” asked the professor. “Well, not exactly,” replied the Freshman, “but I don’t want to see you standing all alone.”
• The police station had been quiet all day and most of the week. The men were playing cards to pass the time. “What a life,” grouched one of the officers. “No fights, no burglaries, no riots, no nuthin’, not even a stabbing. If it stays this quiet, they’ll reduce the force!” “Rest easy,” said the Captain, raising the pot. “Things will break soon. You’ve got to have faith in human nature.”
• The owner of a large department store was awakened at 3 a.m. by a phone call. The voice at the other end identified itself: “I’m one of your customers. I bought a sofa in your store, and I want you to know how much I enjoy it.” The sleepy store owner replied: “I appreciate the compliment, but tell me, when did you buy this sofa from us?” “I bought it from you four months ago.” “What? You bought it from us four months ago and wake me at three in the morning to tell me about it?” “Yes. It just arrived!”
• An irate employee went to the business manager’s office and laid down his pay envelope. He looked the business manager in the eye and said, “I’m fifty dollars short!” The business manager looked up the employee’s account and replied, “Last week we overpaid you fifty dollars. You didn’t complain about that.” “An occasional mistake I can overlook,” replied the angry employee, “but not two in a row!”
• A real friend is a person who doesn’t mind bothering you.
• The dime isn’t really worthless. It still makes a fairly good screwdriver.
• Speak when you’re angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
• Most people can keep a secret; it’s the folks they tell it to who can’t.
• If at first you succeed, you probably haven’t accomplished very much.
• The best way for a person to get a few minutes to themselves at the end of the day is to start doing the supper dishes.
• Statistics indicate that the average family could use more money than it is getting - and usually does.
• We all like to give people the benefit of our experience, but we should know that they won’t take it because everyone wants to see for themselves if the paint is wet.
• Prosperity is that wonderful time when you can always get enough credit to live beyond your means.
• Regardless what the Supreme Court says, there will always be prayer in our schools as long as there are exams.
• In 1913, the tax on a $4,000 income was a penny.